Trusting Spirit in Life’s Major Decisions

Written by Jan Evans, SoulStream Partner

Decisions… decisions… decisions…
My heart beats faster… my sugar cravings ramp up.
I start planning another Netflix binge.
Decisions… decisions… decisions… oh my!!!!

A couple of weeks ago I was sitting enjoying my morning quiet time, and a surge of energy came forth from my depths. Before I knew it, I was messaging a cousin to invite a connection, a meetup. Last summer I moved to my mother’s childhood hometown, where many cousins reside. I have not seen any of this side of the family in over 35 years. After moving here last summer, I often heard “reach out and connect with your cousins.” However, each time I entertained that thought, I would lose energy and decide, “Not today.” Was this my deeply ingrained fear of rejection, my well-known habit of procrastination and avoidance, or was Spirit working slowly within me, doing all that was necessary in preparing me for a new life chapter?

As I pondered the ease of taking that action on that day, I realized a pattern that was very familiar. When I reflect on this past year of discerning two major life transitions, I see how this pattern of discernment played out each time. In each case, I entered a time of waiting as I pondered a surprising new invitation. In the uncertainty of yes/no, while allowing, accepting, and processing whatever arose within me in response to outer circumstances and attending with compassion to my inner ever-shifting movements of thought, feeling, and gut responses, there came a moment. In that moment, I felt a shift within my being; a ‘yes’ arose, and an action was prompted.

Decisions… decisions… decisions…

It seems that when I allow and honour my inner processes and wait in the darkness of uncertainty, when I trust Spirit knows the right moment for action, we birth the new. No anxiety, no procrastination, no avoidance… all simply burst forth.

What a year this has been—leaving my 49-year-old hometown to move to a new community, announcing my retirement from facilitating the training of new spiritual directors with Ontario Jubilee, and now beginning a journey of reconnecting with long-lost cousins. I give thanks for the gentleness of Spirit preparing me for these courageous actions and inviting me to participate in birthing the new.

Decisions… decisions… decisions… Oh my… Oh yes…

May I continue to listen for the first faint heartbeats of the new, and may I wait, trusting that if a ‘yes’ is gestating and bringing something to term, she shall be born at the right time.