PartnerConnect 2022-06-03

Dear Partners,

How did you become engaged with Ignatian spirituality?

“Sometimes, when Ignatius was offering the mass, he would become so aware of Christ’s love for him that he would weep uncontrollably and someone else would have to take over,” I heard Father Elton Fernandez say at a weekend Ignatian retreat not long after I finished my spiritual direction training with SoulStream.

Hearing those words led me to pray the Ignatian Spiritual Exercises Retreat in Daily Life in 2012-13. For 9 months, I met with Father Elton weekly, and daily I was invited to meet Jesus and be loved by God personally in the specific context of my life experiences.
The most notable gift I received from these daily rendezvous with God was the courage and freedom to embrace my calling as a writer and spiritual director and let go of my good but draining work as a pastor. I was so much happier after that.

At a SoulStream Partner Gathering, Chris Chiu told me he was trained to lead people through the Exercises and that Father Elton could train me as well. So I joined Chris and other directors of the Jesuit Spirituality Apostolate of Vancouver (JSAV) and accompanied people in the Exercises for four years until I started coordinating the new Lower Mainland offering of Living from the Heart.

During those years, our new supervisor and teacher, Father Richard Soo arranged for the directors to have eight-day retreats. On those retreats, I met Jesus in such a profound way that they became my gospel stories.

Can you tell us about one specific experience with Jesus that has come out of one of those retreats?

I will never forget being in the place of the woman washing Jesus’ feet with her tears. I knew how the story went, but in my story, I had no tears. So I got a bucket and filled it with water instead. Then I braced myself for Simon’s accusation that I was a sinner. “Look at her,” he said. “Not a tear. She isn’t even sorry for what she’s done.”

All of a sudden, Jesus pulled his feet out from under my hands and sat bolt upright. He glared at Simon and said, “Back off, Simon. You have no idea how many tears she’s cried.”

Of course, that made me cry. It makes me tear up now as I write about it.

What lingers with you about that experience?

That experience was vivid and real. I can return to it again and again and experience the love that I didn’t receive as a child when I was bullied by my siblings. Experiencing being defended like that has allowed the scared little girl in me to heal, so much so, that I’m able to forgive my siblings (who were only children themselves) and have loving relationships with them now.

How would you say your experience of Ignatian spirituality has influenced your contemplative journey?

Ignatian spirituality has opened me to experience God with my five senses, find God in all things, pay attention to my inner movements, and open to an intimate and real relationship with Christ. That has deeply affected how I write, offer spiritual direction, co-facilitate Living from the Heart and retreats, and love those around me.

Ignatian spirituality laid the groundwork for what I am learning about trauma and the lost mind-body connection. I’m amazed that Ignatius, some military guy who lived in the 16th C, could stumble upon what psychologists are telling us we need to heal our trauma and our relationships with others and the earth.

I’m grateful that SoulStream introduced me to Ignatian spirituality which then led me to that Ignatian retreat and Father Elton.